Healing Patterns of Borderline Personality Disorder in Relationships

Relationships can be challenging and rewarding, but when one or both partners struggle with a mental health condition, new obstacles may arise and affect both people. If your loved one has borderline personality disorder, you may need to learn more about this condition and discover how you can support your partner and protect your relationship.

Our guide can help you understand borderline personality disorder, learn to recognize the symptoms of this disorder in your partner, and figure out how to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship. We will also explain the benefits of professional therapy for borderline personality disorder and provide tips on choosing the best therapist.

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline personality disorder, or BPD, is a mental health condition that affects the way a person thinks about themselves and other people and causes issues with emotional regulation. People with BPD may be impulsive, struggle to control their emotions, and have unstable relationships.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, over 1.4 million adult Americans have borderline personality disorder. While the precise cause of this mental health condition is unknown, doctors believe genetic, environmental, and social factors may cause BPD.

Common Symptoms of BPD

Before you start dating someone with borderline personality disorder, you should be aware of the symptoms of this mental health condition:

A person with BPD may be terrified of abandonment and go to extreme lengths—including self-harm and suicide attempts—to avoid being separated from their loved one.

BPD is characterized by unstable relationships—an individual may idealize their partner, considering them to be perfect, only to change their opinion rapidly and decide the same person is cruel and doesn’t care about them.

While splitting—seeing other people in black and white terms—is not limited to BPD, this symptom is often associated with borderline personality disorder.

People with BPD often struggle with their self-image—their goals and values may change quickly, which leads to a lack of a sense of self and poor self-esteem.

You may notice your partner engages in risky behaviors—for instance, they spend money they cannot afford to lose or drink alcohol excessively.

There are also several physical symptoms of BPD to look out for—insomnia, chronic pain, stomach distress, and tense muscles.

Challenges of Dating Someone With BPD

While borderline personality disorder should not be a stigma that prevents a person from having a romantic life, there are certain obstacles and challenges associated with BPD in relationships:

It might be difficult to communicate with a person who struggles to regulate their emotions and often feels anxious and depressed. If your partner has BPD, be patient and listen to them—let them know you are there for them and their feelings are valid.

People with BPD have an intense fear of being abandoned by their loved ones, which may lead to desperate and even dangerous actions on their part. Make sure you spend enough time with your partner and reassure them of your love and devotion.

Instability is one of the main symptoms of BPD—your partner may love you one day and hate you the next day. Instead of responding to emotional outbursts with anger, remove yourself from the situation to get some space and reflect on the argument with a cool head.

Tips for Maintaining a Healthy Relationship When Your Partner Has BPD

Here are a few strategies you can implement to ensure your relationship is healthy and successful, even if your partner has borderline personality disorder:

Build an open line of communication with your partner – both of you should feel safe to share your thoughts and feelings without judgment and ridicule.

Support your partner in their therapy journey – remember that BPD is a treatable condition, and a professional therapist can help your loved one manage their symptoms and restore their mental well-being.

Focus on the positives—it can be tempting to break off the relationship when you are faced with challenges associated with BPD. Still, as long as you and your partner are committed to making the relationship work, you can persevere.

Benefits of Therapy for BPD

Therapy can be extremely beneficial for a person diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, as well as their partner—a qualified therapist will teach you to understand and support your loved one.

Your therapist will help your partner realize what triggers their negative emotions and behaviors – this way, you will know what situations and people to avoid.

Certain therapy methods, such as cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectical behavior therapy, are designed to equip the patient with skills to cope with stress, analyze their emotions, and manage their feelings.

A therapy provider may give you and your partner a list of techniques to control anger, resolve conflicts without raising your voice, and practice meditation at home.

Support and Resources for Couples and Individuals Struggling With BPD

Fortunately, nowadays, people with BPD and their loved ones have access to various resources that can help them. Below you will find a few organizations and groups to reach out to:

NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). This organization provides support to people affected by mental disorders and their family members—you can participate in local and online support groups to connect with individuals who have similar struggles.

Los Angeles Mental Health. Get in touch with our mental health professionals to choose the best therapist for your partner and receive personalized advice suited to your unique circumstances.

BPD Hope. Visit this website to learn more about borderline personality disorder, discover therapy options available to you, and get tips on supporting a person with BPD.

FAQs

What Is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Borderline personality disorder is a mental health disorder that impacts the way a person controls their emotions and maintains their relationships. It is typically diagnosed based on the symptoms a person exhibits and treated with therapy.

How Does BPD Affect a Person’s Love Life?

There are several challenges associated with BPD in relationships—a person may be terrified of abandonment, struggle to communicate with their partner, and have an unstable self-image. Nonetheless, with proper treatment and support, a person with BPD can have a successful love life.